Last night, I had a dream that woke me up and made me think. Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you about it. Unsolicited dream recounts are incredibly unpleasant. However, I will tell you what it made me think about.
It made me realize that in a couple things, I’m being silly and stuck. I’m currently working toward a major goal, and it confirmed that me doing so is a very good thing. I’ve been scared of doing so… so much that until last week, I procrastinated a major step in pursuing it. And I’m still scared. And I am still trying to talk myself out of it in various ways. But I think my sub-conscious agrees that this is what I need to do. And that’s heartening.
The dream didn’t have anything to do with Ian. He didn’t even show up. But it’s because of his death that I’ve started down the path I’m on, and I think without it, I’d still be stuck back at the beginning…. Likely happier, and enjoying it. But still stuck.
He set me free in a way. Whether he knew that he would with what he did or not… whether he cared or not. He did. And that is one small good thing to come after. I’d trade it in a heartbeat to have him back. But I am seeing good now, which is a step.
I miss him, and I wish he was here to see me doing this stuff. But if he was here, I probably wouldn’t be doing it, so there is that.
Moving forward, right?
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