It Doesn’t Stop

I’m doing THINGS. I’ve been really busy lately. I’ve been meeting new people, and going on DATES and overall, all of the things I’m doing are exciting and good. I’m lucky. And that’s a good thing. So, why is it that when I walk away from a really great practice session with my band, or […]

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Memory

Memory is a funny thing. It’s been a while since I really LOOKED at a picture of Ian. I have them all over the place, and I glance at them all the time. But to stop and LOOK, that’s something that takes a little dedicated time afterward to recover. It always makes me at least […]

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The Myth

All of us are raised with a mythical ideal. If you do this, then that will happen. If you follow this path, it will lead there. The rules are different for women and men. For various cultures, religions, etc. But there are ‘rules’ that if you follow, things will go an expected way. Not to […]

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Suck It Up

I know a lot of my recent posts have been about the ways in which I’m progressing. Today, I feel less like progress is happening, and more as though I’m just faking it really well. See, I still don’t eat as much as I probably should. Mostly because every time I eat, I feel sick. […]

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Self Evaluations

It’s interesting. I decided to look back at the blog posts I made a year ago, see if and how I’m doing better. Turns out I’m a lot different now than I was then. Both in predictable ways¬†–¬†ways that make sense – and in unpredictable, surprising ways. But there are still some similarities. Those are […]

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Be Where You Are

One of the things I have been fighting with/worrying about, is whether I’m making decisions that will help or hurt me in the long run. Am I doing things the smart way? Am I making sure I’m being careful? After a major life-changing event, like the suicide of the person you love, the likelihood of […]

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Contradictions

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m now in a place where it’s really noticeable – I hold a number of completely contradictory emotions all at the same time. Right now, I’ve got several things that are going really well. Like, REALLY well. And I’m excited about them. And I’m looking forward to them. […]

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Turning Into Them

One of the phenomena that seems to be kind of common in the people who were really close to people who died by suicide is taking on some of their characteristics. It’s like those people are living the life that was cut short. I have certainly noticed myself doing that some. I’ve taken on some […]

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PTSD and Finding

Each day the online support forum I’m part of asks a question, or brings up a topic. Friday’s was “Finding the Person” and I’ve been sitting on the details of that for a long time. I wrote this over a year ago. I didn’t want to forget the details. So, this is going to be […]

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Visiting

If you’ve been following along, you’ve seen how I’ve struggled with the idea of some sort of afterlife, not to mention the likelihood that anyone there would want to/be able to contact us here. You also probably read about the incident that happened while I was in California, that made me reluctantly accept that there […]

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