Intense Week

This week has been pretty intense emotionally for me. With the anniversary of Ian’s suicide yesterday, me having been away from home for a while, me taking active steps toward pursuing a dream, and also the amazing opportunity I had to record an episode of a podcast that will come out later today about the […]

632 total views, no views today

Discoveries

This morning, Ian’s mom sent me a picture of Ian, illustrating something he did while visiting her that I had reminded her of by doing something similar. It made me think of all the ways we were so similar… And surprised me at the same time. I have thought multiple times that with one or […]

555 total views, no views today

The Things We Learn

It’s been very much on my mind lately the things I learned from Ian. I don’t think any of us really know what others learn from us, and I think he was particularly blind to the good he did for others. Because of him, I’m far less concerned with not messing up in front of […]

466 total views, no views today

Stories

The email group I’m a part of is collecting stories for volume 2 of a book of stories about people who have died by suicide. I’m considering writing a story about Ian, but am not sure I’m going to be able to. I figured putting the information out there for anyone else who might want […]

555 total views, 1 views today

Slight Break

I apologize for the lack of a Sunday letter this week. With the holidays, my birthday, and an annoying cold, I just don’t have it in me to update for the time being. I will be back as soon as I’m able. 538 total views, no views today

538 total views, no views today

Support

I was watching a tv show, and one of the characters who’d lost the man she’d loved was talking to another woman whose husband had died more recently. She said, “At first, everyone’s there. But after a while, people forget. Everyone moves on. Everyone but you.” There are definitely days when I feel like that. […]

845 total views, no views today

Motivation

There is an endless stream of things that need to be done. Some only kind of need to be done. Others, there’s not a choice. I have been blaming my inability to do most of the ones that only kind of needed to be done on depression, on grief. But recently, a friend of mine […]

1,177 total views, no views today

Suicide Griever Beatitudes

Someone posted this in the online suicide survivor forum I’m on. I loved it. BLESSED are they that recognize suicide grief is compounded; that we grieve the death of a beloved person but first and foremost, we grieve the cause of the death. BLESSED are they that give us permission to mourn the loss of […]

708 total views, no views today

Family

Something has come more and more clear to me as time moves on. It started long before Ian, but has been quickly made more clear. When it comes to family, blood doesn’t matter. What makes someone family is that they have your back. That you have theirs. Ian was my family. I was his. I […]

479 total views, no views today

Hugs

I had a dream about Ian one night. I didn’t remember that until I was on my way home from work for lunch the next day, then my mind flashed back to an image. I didn’t remember any details, but that we hugged and he was there. That was a month ago. That next day, […]

785 total views, no views today