I actually forgot today was Tuesday for a bit. Things have been so busy for me at work and home that I’m really not having a lot of brooding time, which might be good.
Maybe it’s because of that that for the most part, lately, I haven’t been terribly sad. I’ve been going. Concentrating on getting things done, getting through, accomplishing, moving forward with all the things that need to be finished. And, because of that momentum, I’ve actually started progressing on some things that don’t NEED to be done, which hasn’t happened all that much since Ian died.
It really is a good feeling. Gives me a sense of the light at the end of the tunnel. It seems like up until a week or two ago, I was neck deep in the Swamps of Sadness, barely managing to keep myself from stopping altogether and giving in. Now, I feel like maybe I’m only knee or waist deep in it. I’m able to make a little progress. I’m still there, and slogging through, but I’m further away from a complete stop. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about you need to watch The NeverEnding Story RIGHT NOW.)
Even with this ACTUAL progress, every once in a while, I get that gut-punched feeling, though. It isn’t every few minutes, or every hour, and it’s not even every day now, but I still get it a few times a week. Just the painful remembrance of the fact that he’s not here, and never will be again. Usually now, that demoralizing memory is followed quickly by a shot of anger. Anger at the world for not being fair, among other things.
As one of my good friends says, “Life is hard. Where’s my check?”
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