Too Much

My cat’s ultra awesome totally automated litter box stopped draining on Friday. I couldn’t figure it out that night, so went out on Saturday to get stuff to fix it. In the interim, there was a period of time when it was unusable.

Last night, I found a place on my bathroom rug where my cat had peed. I understand why, so just picked up the rug & threw it in the washer, thinking that now that the litter box is fixed, it’ll be ok.

I just found another spot on a different rug that wasn’t there a couple hours ago.

I decided I needed to take the cat down to see that it was usable again. She freaked out, of course. Because I was taking her somewhere she didn’t want to go. The cycle was running, so I couldn’t put her in the box anyway. Now she’s even more freaked about the basement, I’m worried she’ll keep peeing on rugs, and I don’t know what I can do.

Add to this that the laptop I have is infected with who knows what, and I have to deal with that, I have a dress I need to get altered for a wedding soon, my internet/xbox seem to not be talking, and a number of other stressful things, and even a number of normal life things, and I can’t.

I broke down crying for no particular reason. I miss Ian. I just… I can’t do this all. I am realizing that I’m keeping everything together very well, but by a very thin margin. Things are so carefully balanced that one strong wind will make everything crash down around me…. Or on top of me.

I have laundry to do. Dishes to put away, floors to clean, trash to take out, life to live… And I can’t.

It’s all too much right now.

Written 9/21/2014

9/22/2014 Edited to Add: And yet, when I get overwhelmed at work, I get energized…. Why is it that personal stuff is impossible, but work is invigorating? I don’t understand that.

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2 thoughts on “Too Much

  1. Life goes in cycles, dear Iris, sometimes it is too much ….it never seems to be one thing that goes wrong, it is always a bunch at once.. The good news is that it is not permanent, this too shall pass. Just breathe and take one step at a time, it is all you can do….tiny steps are fine.

    1. Yeah, I’m very aware it’s not permanent. I think it’s important, though, to acknowledge the emotions. To illuminate the painful, so that those who are going through it can see that they’re not alone.

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